Fears....

9-21-05

Fears…When you think of fears you probably think of fear of animals, fear of heights, fear of sky diving, fear of water or other things like that. But there are other types of fears. This week I have really been dealing with fears of failure. Failure to God, failure to friends and family who are supporting me in this missionary endeavor and fear of failure in general, and other fears. As I look at my personality type I recognize that my personality type doesn’t allow for failure. I will do everything that I can not to fail you as a friend and I will do everything I can not to fail. These fears which I have been dealing with have brought me closer to God these past few days.

As I looked at a devotional from the book, Voices of the Faithful. I was struck by one which could have easily been written by me. The person who wrote it said that I am faced with fears of failure, (many of the same ones which I have been experiencing). She said that she had to realize that she isn’t superhuman; she only has to be obedient to what God has called her to do. She said she simply needs a heart which will trust God. That is the same place where I am at. I simply need a heart which will trust God.

My days this week have not been easier but my attitude has been lighter because I gave these fears to God. It doesn’t mean it will be easy, it doesn’t mean it will be a quick fix-even though I would like that, it just means that I need a heart which will trust God through all this.

A key thing which I need to remember is that when these fears come up. I can say yes, fears you are right, HOWEVER, I have a God who I can trust to get me through these fears.

For those of you who have been wondering and wanting specific ways to pray for me, I hope I’ve shared some with you. My intent was to share with you so you would know how to pray for me. Pray that I would trust in 1 Thessalonians 5:24 which says He who is faithful, He will do it. Because I know that all that is done here is not because of me, it’s all because of God. Pray that I would allow myself to know that it is okay to take a break and pray that I would find social and emotional outlets. Many times we, as Americans, think we have to stay busy all the time and be doing something. And I pray that you will allow yourself to take a break. Most of all pray that in the midst of it all I will have a heart that will trust God through all of this.

Reflections

September 14, 2005

As I have been working on unpacking my crate of items which arrived I have had a time of reflection. I’ve thought of different people as I’ve opened boxes and seen things which they gave me prior to my leaving. By the way, thanks for the Bounty paper towels and Charmin toilet paper among other things! I’m also reminded of some of the bad things. For example, I’m reminded of the time I got upset because a glass tray of mine was accidentally broken. At that time it was a great disappointment to me and I thought it was one of the important things in life. But looking back on it now I realize how that is not one of the things in life which is important. However now that I am miles away from the ones who had a part in the accidental breaking and the later fixing of the tray, I realize that I would easily give up the tray just to have them around again. As I’ve said so many times it is the little things that you miss and it’s the relationships which you miss once you are miles away. How wasted that time of being upset was for me.

Also as I was eating some 4 day old peanut butter crackers today I thought why am I eating these when I can make some fresh ones? I have everything I need to make them, so I made fresh ones. As I did this I thought how many times do we just settle for the old stuff from God instead of reaching out and taking hold of the new things which He wants to give us? How many times do we settle for the stale crackers when He has a brand new pack of fresh ones which He wants to give us? Don’t miss the new things which He has for you! As I say that to you I say it even louder to myself.

These are just different things I’ve thought of these past few days so I thought I would share them with you! Being away gives you a new perspective on a lot of things.

Carol

Emanuel Church

Going to church today (8-28-05) was good. This is a picture of the pastor of the church standing in front of the church. The church is a mission of a larger church. Also there is a picture of a father and daughter who were at church today.


The pastor's message was challenging. In short, he said do what God is telling you to do! God has a plan for each one of us, do the work He has for YOU!

We also sang one of my favorite songs, Tudo Entregarei -I Surrender All. That song has a lot of significance for me because it is probably one of the main reasons I ended up in Mozambique. Because as I used to sing that song with the words,
All to Him I freely give, I will always love and trust Him in His presence daily live, I surrender all, I surrender all, all to thee my blessed savior I surrender all! How can you sing that and not do what God wants you to do? Even though at different times I have not done what He wants me to do and it is not a good feeling. Just remember that He has our best interests at heart and He will not leave us nor forsake us!